Kingdom Hearts madness
by Faerie of the Light
Summary: This is just another dare fanfic, I find them to be very amusing. Hope you enjoy it too!
1. Chapter 1

The morning sun rises on the horizon, and the light is just touching the surface of the sand domes in the burning desert. It was then that Sora awoke to find himself in the middle of this burning wasteland.

He stood up and looked at his surroundings; there was nothing but sand and scattered members of Organization XIII along with his friends Donald, Goofy, and Jiminy. It took a moment but eventually he had a flashback of how the hell they ended up in that place in the first place.

FLASHBACK:

_They were having an epic battle (one totally unrelated to the series). It was a matter of utmost importance that they destroyed the ultimate weapon in the Organization's possession._

_"Don__ald! Goofy! We have to get that thing away from them at all costs, or else the whole world will be in danger!"_

_"But, uh," Goofy started, "isn't the world already in danger because of them?"_

_"Yes, but this will mean certain destruction of the human race!"_

_"Uh that was their whole point in the first place-_

_"GOOFY LOOK OUT!" But it was too late, out of the barrel of the cannon came the undeniable horror that is…THE TAMPON!!!!!!! It was whizzing straight towards Goofy and he simply stared dumbfounded at it, too stupid to actually get out of the way of course._

_"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" screamed Sora and he leapt in between the two of them and took the full blow of…THE TAMPON!!!!!!_

_"Ugh, cough I'm…hit," stammered out Sora. He lay on the ground, looking hurt and unconscious, after a few moments Goofy became bored and began to kick him in the head. He found it amusing and continued to do it with a stupid laugh._

_"Sora," stated Donald, "ithingkhyoubetytrergetup (I think you better get up)." As you all know Donald talks almost incomprehensively so I will be providing what it sounds like he's saying along with what he's actually talking about. _

_"Oh, my fun is ruined!" Sora complains pouting._

_"Hahahahaha the world is at the palm of our hands!" __laughed Xigbar__ with his Tampon gun of doom._

_"Dude, Xigbar, aren't you taking this a little too seriously?" asked Axel with an anime sweat drop. "I mean seriously he's gonna kick our asses over a gun that shoots feminine products."_

_"It must be done! MUHAHAHAHAHA! NOW …IT IS TIME TO PRESS…THE BIG RED BUTTON!"_

_"What? XIGBAR NOOOOOOOO!" But it was too late, Xigbar pressed it and a blinding white light engulfed them all, and they all blacked out._

END FLASHBACK:

During this flashback the rest of them woke up and were enjoying the show through the giant thought bubble above Sora's head.

"Hey Axel," Xigbar asked. "How did you know that the big red button would transport us all to the desert for us to slowly rot away without any food or water and also to be stuck with the last people on any world that we'd like to be with?"

"I didn't," stated Axel plainly. "I just know that in any TV show or anything related to anime, the big red button always F----S everyone up. So thanks a lot Xigbar."

"Hey everyone how did Xemnas, Larxene, and Roxas get here?" asked Sora.

"Y'know, I have no idea myself." Stated Xemnas. "I was debating on how to get rid of all gay people in the world when I found myself here."

"What's wrong with gay people?!" asked Roxas, Xigbar, and Axel at the same time.

"You're why," Xemnas added simply with a deep sigh.

"We're not gay we're just British!" (All copyrights for that line go to LittleKuriboh for the Yugioh abridged series. Please, no British people come beat me up, I love the British!)

"Well anyway guys," Sora continued, "I'm bored, LET'S PLAY DARE!"

"What's Dare?" asked Larxene.

"It's like Truth or Dare but without the Truth, so that the only thing left is mindless torture for the entertainment of the others around them!"

"BugtSorya! (But Sora!) Theity'erourmoeroutalenemies (They're our mortal enemies) wietcantpeltaywithtiehem (we can't play with them)!"

Shut up Donald, just for that you're going first!" Sora said angrily. "I dare you to go away and you'll be replaced with Scrooge!"

"Fjsigonsdflsajf6983o2ri3jfl xojso arw84ur w ov8vfunfvvwo8u4cmo88! (What!)" But before he could rant anymore, everyone, including the organization members, picked up Donald and, using a conjured up catapult, tied him up on it and flung him across the desert.

"I like money," commented Scrooge as he magically appeared.

"Ha ha, we love you too Scrooge!" Sora said.

"Hey everyone, conference!" Xemnas ordered. All the organization members got into a huddle and began their conference.

"This could bode well for us," Xemnas commented slyly.

"What do you mean boss?" asked Xigbar.

"If we keep this up and don't go insane ourselves, then by the end of this, they'll have destroyed each other and we'll be free to destroy the world!"

"But…I don't want to destroy the world, I like the world," said Roxas.

"Yeah, I agree with Roxas," added Axel, "I love all the flowers and the trees and-

"OH will you just shut up!" Larxene shouted. "First of all Roxas, how the hell are you here anyway? You disappeared at the beginning of the game so you don't get an opinion. And as for you two," she gestured to Xigbar and Axel, "I haven't forgotten about how you stole all of my pretties, so if I hear either one of you complain throughout this whole game, I will cut off each of your balls, make you eat them raw, and then strangle you with your own inte-

"OKAY, OKAY! WE'LL DO IT!"

-restingly assorted ties!" (NOTE: I didn't come up with that line either. Please look up the tampon gun comic on Deviantart to find the original creator.)

"Okay then," Xemnas said, also beginning to fear Larxene's wrath, "Hey Sora old chum!"

"Yes Lucky charms?"

Xemnas pondered the name for a minute but then continued, "We'll play this game with you, but let's make a rule that no matter what the person challenged cannot refuse the dare."

"Okay! Let's go!" Sora cried eagerly.

"Okay then," Xemnas said slyly, "I dare you Sora to-

"Wait, I want to go first!" Larxene interrupted.

"But Larxene-

"I…WANT…TO…GO…FIRST!!!!!!!!!"

"O-okay," Xemnas cowered.

"I dare Sora to eat 100 Peeps!"

"What!" Xemnas exclaimed. "Larxene what about the plan?"

"Shut up! Or do you want the same fate as the others if you interrupt me?"

"Oh god NO! OKAY I'll be good!"

"That's better, now Sora," Larxene conjured up 100 Peeps out of thin air, "start eating!"

"Okay! I love Peeps!" Sora exclaimed, and he began eating as Xemnas began counting aloud.

"1…2…uh F—k…5"

SEVERAL HOURS LATER

"98…99…100!" As they reached one hundred , Sora placed the last one in his mouth and swallowed.

"Uh, Sora?" asked Jiminy.

"Sora swayed for a moment and then finally collapsed on the ground, passed out."

"Oh, good work Larxene!" Xemnas complimented. "I had no idea that was your real plan."

"Real plan?"

Xemnas sighed, "You were just playing the game weren't you?"

"Enough talk, let's play! Who's next?"

"Oh, oh, let me go next!" called out Scrooge. "I choose…THIS NICKEL!"

Everyone stared dumbfounded at his choice for the next challenger, "I dare you Mr. Nickel…to marry me!"

Silence for a moment, "HE SAID 'YES'! Come my love, let us go to Canada. America might not support our kind of romance, but Canada makes everything better." And the two of them rode off into the sunset. On what? You'll have to wait for the next chapter to find out!

TO BE CONTINED…

A/N: Okay, this was also a prize for a good friend of mine. I can't believe I finished it before the beginning of classes but here it is, hope you like it. Please Review! ARIGATO


	2. Chapter 2

Welcome back! Now, last time in our adventure, Scrooge chose the nickel to marry him and I told you that you'd have to wait until this chapter to find out what they rode away on into the sunset. Well they ran away on… A CHICKEN! Now, Scrooge and his life partner have been on a romantic getaway for 4 weeks and are now just returning on the same chicken back to where all the other characters are.

AND NOW…THE CONTINUATION OF KINGDOM HEARTS MADNESS!

"Hello everyone, how have you all been?" Scrooge asks cheerfully as he and Phillip get down off of the giant chicken. They return to find everyone with tattered clothes, multiple scrapes, and looking as thin as a twenty year old supermodel that's on crack. Of course Scrooge is too stupid to realize this and he keeps smiling.

"Oh we're fine you Scottish bastard," Xemnas replies angrily, "we've only been here for four weeks in the burning sun and with no food or water except from the buzzards that have occasionally come to eat us alive!"

"Good! Are we still playing Dare?"

"Yeah, we were all waiting for you to come back from your honeymoon," Sora says as all of his energy returns. "So who wants to go next?"

"ME!"

Everyone gasps as they look to the top of the sand dome. Standing on top of it in a truly heroic pose is none other than Donald Duck!

"I'll be the one to take you one Scrooge!"

"HOLY CRAP! DONALD CAN SPEAK NORMAL!" Goofy exclaims!

"That's right! I've been on an epic journey ever since you all banished me. I ended up in Japan, where I found a sensei for speaking correct English in that Japanese speaking country. My trials were difficult, such as when I-

"Yeah, yeah, we get it. You had to go through crap, just to learn how to use your tongue to speak without spitting. It hasn't been a picnic here either, at least you were fed! Look at you! You must've gained twenty pounds! Seriously how much did you eat there?" Axel ranted.

"Enough talk! I challenge you Scrooge for my position back into the group," Donald said dramatically. "Name your game, I can beat you!"

"Wait, so you want to be stranded in the desert with all of us, as opposed to being in a fancy temple with all the food you could eat, air conditioning, and cable TV?" Jiminy asked.

"Alright then young lad, I'll take you on. Just wait here with the chicken okay Phillip?" He said as he placed the nickel in the hand of the chicken. "Now then, I challenge you to…"

DONALD THINKS _Heh__, you foolish old man. I know that you will challenge me to a game of Magic the Gathering. I've been training not only my voice, but I now know every strategy there is to the game. VICTORY WILL BE MINE!_ END THINKING

"I challenge you to… A DRINKING CONTEST!"

"WHAT? I mean, don't you want to play a children's card game with me?"

"No, I'd rather have a drink."

_CURSES! FOILED AGAIN_ "Alright then, a drinking game it is!" Five minutes later, they were sitting at a table from out of nowhere with about fifty bottles of brandy at one end, and a shot glass in front of each of them.

"Alright then everyone, this is another chance for us," Xemnas whispered to the other organization members, "they will drink themselves into oblivion. So Roxas, you and I will keep pouring their drinks no matter what. Got it?"

"Right, BREAK!" And they move out of their huddle and Xemnas and Roxas took their places at either side of the table with a bottle of brandy each.

"Alright then, as they say in Scotland 'let's drink until the alcohol in our system destroys our livers and kills us'!"

"I thought that was Ireland-

"GO!!!"

And they began; they both were in unison with the drinks. Taking shot after shot after shot. They continued this way for several hours as the bottles dwindled away; far past what any person in reality could actually survive. Donald after a while looked very tipsy, but Scrooge looked the same no matter how many he drank.

DONALD THINKS _I…can't lose to that…that, TURKEY. Yeah, he's not even worthy of being a duck…he's a freaking Turkey! I'll beat him and then…and then…hey, why am I playing again? OH YEAH, TO WIN THE MAGIC PIE! Yeah, I'll win that sweet pie, and then I'll be able to fly like a real duck! No more of this walking crap like a cartoon character, I'll be able to fly with my brethren. And we'll migrate together and…and…_ END THINKING

It's at this time that Donald collapses off of his chair and onto the hot sand, unconscious but somehow alive after taking 154 shots of blackberry brandy. Scrooge remained in his seat staring straight ahead of him with his stupid smile on his face.

"AND THE WINNER IS SCROOGE!" Xigbar declares. He was declared the judge of this contest because he wasn't given any other lines in this chapter. "Congratulations Scrooge…hey wait a sec!" He went in closer and looked Scrooge right in the eye. "He's not breathing…Normal things breath right?"

"OMG We killed Scrooge!" Sora declared.

"Yeah, we're bastards." Goofy added. "We'll that means that Donald won instead. We'll tell him when he wakes up."

"We should console Scrooge's widow," Sora said solemnly.

"Sora, it's a freaking quarter-

"IT'S A NICKEL AND HE SHOULD BE CONSOLED DAMN IT!"

"Okay, okay then go already," Larxene said.

Sora walked over to the giant chicken and took the nickel from him, "Oh Phillip, words cannot truly express how much pain I feel for you. I hope that in time you can get over your pain and move on to better things." He was silent for a second as he closed his eyes with his head down. After a moment he looked up and said cheerfully, "Hey a nickel!" And he pocketed it.

"YOU!!!!"

Everyone looked up again with shock as another figure came running in they're direction. It was…PETER GRIFFON! He ran to the edge of the group and he and the giant chicken stared daggers before the started beating the crap out of each other again. They at first just threw punches, but as they moved to the table and the empty bottles of liquor, they started picking up the bottles and crashing down on each other's heads with them. Then the chicken was able to get Peter to the ground and was about to crash the table on top of him, when Peter picked up some broken shards of glass, threw them in the chicken's eyes, and the chicken then tripped and fell on some more broken bottles. He then lay still. Peter got up, brushed himself off, and began walking off into the sunset. Little did he know that the chicken opened one eye to him and was teleported somewhere else to heal.

The rest of them just stared in amazement at the spectacle and were silent for several minutes afterward. Than Larxene shouted, "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?"

"I don't know," Axel commented with a raised eyebrow in the direction of the incident, "but that chicken got owned!"

"Okay, well I'm tired, let's end the chapter for now," Sora commented.

"That's for the narrator to decide," Jiminy said.

ACTUALLY I AGREE! THAT'S ALL FOR NOW!

TO BE CONTINUED…

A/N: Yeah, I hope you guys enjoyed this. I actually got a break from college work for a night and decided to do this! Please R&R!


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